in hindsight, january was definitely unexpected. a pleasant surprise, delightful beyond what i could have pictured or dreamed up for myself. it was very full, after december felt very spacious - full of languishing. it allowed so much love to flow in, however, because i made room for it. 

in january, in addition to setting out after fifty first dates and my first four, i also set out to pursue dry january free of alc and coffee. i set an intention to practice thirty-one days of yoga. i aspired to meditate each morning, in bed before rising. and finally, i wrote down an intention to cultivate novelty, awe. trying new things would do it. 

Now? i'd say that i tried and made space and achieved all of it. it wasn't perfect; no, all pursuits were incomplete -- which made them interesting and glorious. i'm basking in the warm glow of progress (not perfection). this might be because one, i did most of it (not all of it!), and two, because i was unexpectedly tickled by what i came across. 

Date 1

date one of 2023 was my second date with A, zoo guy who i met through a set up by a thoughtful friend. he was kind with a warm smile, chivalry and great communication. turns out he worked in tech in a similar role to my first. we had so much in common that at first, it felt uncanny. 

backstory: on sunday december tenth, he picked me up at home in his audi. we had been texting for a month, exchanging audio messages from LA to Singapore and back while he traveled with his family across asia and trying new foods that he'd tell me about. he was curious, ambitious, interesting, and my exact same age. i liked that he was ted lasso for halloween, that he booked tickets for our date, and that we had a kind-hearted mutual friend from my college years. we hugged and climbed into the car, setting off toward griffith park to see the annual Zoo lights at LA Zoo. we walked, rode the archaic carousel, and talked about our families and travels. he was an only child. it felt easy. 

come 2023 and we had postponed our date at least three times due to life. i was sick; he had a family emergency. we hadn't talked constantly but we both loved John Mayer and trying new restaurants. i hoped a bigger spark or flame would sizzle on this night. a weeknight Japanese food outing became a halfway meetup (he didn't offer to pick me up again, i noticed) and he suggested Silverlake, a hip & in-demand spot of which i hadn't heard. i wore my lucky red sweater and a black go-to top that makes me feel sexy but subtle. he greeted me out front - but he didn't seem to notice. 

i don't remember the contents of our conversation (is that a bad sign?). it felt similarly easy and effortless to talk to him, but in that way that a strong conversationalist finds it easy to be curious. he didn't ask me about me! he said a few "how about you?s". i insisted we could split each piece of sushi so that we could both experience the chef's selection; he insisted that i should enjoy the ones I picked and i notice/wondered if he didn't want to share a bite. there was friendship in the place of magic. there was comf yet casual warmth in place of a spark. i wanted fire. 

we chose a dessert that neither of us loved but ate in an effort to be polite. when the waitress brought the bill he didn't reach for it, so i offered to go dutch. he accepted. finally, when we left to part ways at the valet stand -- we quickly-awkwardly hugged when realizing that my car was "up" in line. when i reached home, he had already sent me a text that he was only feeling a friend vibe and wanted to let me know, though i was "a complete catch." 

date 1 of 2023 was complete but my ego (and wallet) were pained from this sticky sushi venture. at least i had tried somewhere new; i had put myself out there. the song that was playing in my head (and in my car the whole way home) was "Music for a Sushi Restaurant." but the zest for life and the longing in Harry's hit is what was lacking. I had to let the search continue. 

On the first week of the New Year, 
my self-love gave to me: 

Nine days of meditatin'
Eight days of yogi-ing,
Seven days of coughin' 
Six days of playin',
Five engagement rings (in my feed at least)! 
Four phone dates
Three prospects
Two dates lined up 
and a me that is finally READY.

That's right. It's a new year, new me and while that phrase has become cliche, I'm inspired to embrace it. Rather than let perfection or planning get in the way of progress, I'm starting the year off with my first post of 2023.

Allow this post to serve as a proclamation: of my yearly intention, my [albeit ambitious] dating goal and a record of my bold yet fearless pursuit of finally, after ten years of dating and tattooing and New Years intention setting... To meet my person.

Over the Christmas-to-New Years holiday, I was under the weather and thus cozied up on the couch in a deep bubble of introspection, self-reflection and pondering. As I envisioned the future and the life that I dream of, I knew with new clarity that I want a family of my own, and with it a life partner with whom I might grow, adventure, and someday co-parent a bundle of children (human or otherwise). I want to meet my person; I don't need to, but I'd love to and hope to so that I can expand, explore new depths of love & connection, support someone and be supported unconditionally through life's trials and its peaks! 

Inspired furthermore by today's LA hike (see above) with a fellow single friend, female and similarly thriving in her career yet seeking more, we agreed that we are determined meet our "persons" this year. Not only that; we both want to find "relationships of inspiration" through the relentless pursuit of meaningful love... which can only be uncovered and achieved by bringing our authentic and unabashed selves to the epic "hero's journey" that is dating.

Per the podcast Deeper Dating [by some white dude and psychotherapist that I now like, Ken Page] the quest for a partnership is just that: the most important saga and quest that we will ever embark upon, toward the "most important topic of the human curriculum," as he calls it: LOVE. My takeaway from his thirty-minute pod of the week is that we must persist... while at the same time, holding our own hearts in tender hands. If we can turn ourselves inside out in the pursuit of our most authentic and secure selves on this journey? Then, he says (and I agree) -- we can find the utmost love and adoration from another. 

So after my first week of 2023, filled with new daily rituals of meditation, gratitude and yoga, I am both centered on and at peace with the fact that I'm on this journey. My intention for 2023 is to find my person. It won't be easy, it might be tedious and the quest has been long to this point. But to find the object of my utmost affection and desire? Someone who's caring and conscientious, open and adventurous, both gregarious and humble, adaptable and ambitious? The journey ain't going to be quick nor painless -- and this adventurer wouldn't want it any other way. 

Here's to the next fifty[-two] weeks of fifty first (or so) dates. Each week I'll complete my practice, I'll go on at least one date, and I'll record what I learned or loved on the weekend. After all, John Mayer did recommend "Love on the Weekend" if no other kind. 

To dating with hope and courage on this heroine*'s journey. 
​
XOXO, 
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